Who’s First Day Is It, Anyway?

I cannot say why this school year first day is harder than some of the past.  I cannot confirm that is it only because I now have a daughter in high school.  I cannot say it is because both of my girls seem so much more independent and grown up this year.  I cannot say why I’m feeling so….so…confused.

I woke up this morning excited for my girls.  First day.  Highschool and 7th grade!  Big changes, new people, new experiences, blah, blah, blah.  I was a bit on the teary side. Could cross over at any time.  They, on the other hand, were fine.  Blase’, if you will.

They were checking their phones for messages.  They had eaten breakfast.  They resentfully had their photo taken by me…for posterity.  And then they left.

Izfirstday2015“Love you, mom.  Bye”

And they walked away.  Out into the outside–toward the new year. And I just watched.  “Love you, sweetie”, I said quickly, for them to hear before the door closed completely.

And then, ——– quiet.

Maybe I”m tired.  We just got back from a beach vacation.  We haven’t fully unpacked yet. It’s Monday.

Maybe I”m hormonal. It is that time of the LIFE for me.

Maybe I just remember–smaller feet, smaller backpacks, less confidence, more dependence on me.

I cannot say why this first day of school is a bit more difficult for me.  It’s not for them. They walked out the door composed and ready for the new experiences that await them. They didn’t falter or look back at me as they left.  They were fine.  They were happy.

Maybe I’m not confused.  Maybe there is no why to feeling like I do.  Maybe it’s normal. Sometimes normal is hard.