I’ve been clogged. Well, more specifically, my ears have been clogged for several days. Particularly the left ear. It’s wax, so I’m using over the counter meds to decrease it and it is slowly working, but that’s not the point of this.
On Friday I went to work, early because of a meeting, and as I sat there listening to participants asking questions back and forth I became dizzy. The kind of dizzy that feels like you’ve been drinking and clubbing for 5 hours and really need to pass out. The kind of dizzy that when I closed my eyes…it got worse. The room was tilting and swaying and I felt off kilter. So, I went home. To rest. To make it better. To unclog my ears.
And that was fine. The right ear cleared up fairly quickly and the dizziness receded. The left ear…not so much. I couldn’t hear any specific or precise noises whatsoever — only the muffled vibrations and beats of sound passing by. And while there are quite a few things I’d love to turn the volume down for– my youngest’s angry tirades, my oldest’s sarcastic comebacks, my husband asking me what’s for dinner–I had never realized how much I truly miss when I can’t hear out of even one ear.
I don’t mean to sound flip, or stupid or unfeeling of the deaf. That is not my intent at all. Being truly hearing impaired permanently is a completely different situation..I get that. With my recent issue I always had confidence that I would be back to “normal” relatively soon. I knew that this was temporary. That is a huge difference between my temporary cloggatude and those truly deaf. But, and here’s part of my point, I knew what I was missing. And that was AWFUL. You don’t miss what you never had.
I was missing answers to questions I voiced. I would have to turn my head to my “good” ear and ask statements to be repeated. The more I did it, the more frustrated everyone else became with my ear issue, so there was terseness in responses.
I was missing small and large questions asked of me. My lack of response leading to more terseness. Again the need to repeat breeds frustration.
I was missing the small quiet comments made by my daughters “on the sly”. You know, the funny side bits that make you chuckle or laugh out loud. Where after you make eye contact with your baby girl and know there is a connection. The terseness here is my inner monologue to myself and my ear to hurry up and clean up!
As I said, slowly my left ear is becoming less clogged and more normal. I’m hearing more now of what is said. I’m saying “repeat that” less. The dizzyness is gone. But it has definitely been an experience. Heh, even the small experiences can “learn” ya somethin’.
At one point I thought I might make this a metaphor for life, re: when situations or people “clog” you up. There was also the obvious “wait until I’m really old and it’s NOT temporary but progressively worse” idea. But really it was just about me…my ear….and what I was missing now. Hopefully I’ll be more appreciative in the future.
Actual Update: Right now as I write this, my oldest is in her bedroom singing. Not loudly, just quietly to herself, for herself. I can hear her. It is lovely.